I Wanna Be Adored
by mayearl
Summary: A Rae/Finn one-shot/drabble for each episode of the first and second series, to show the development of their relationship and just some general fluff and added thoughts/feelings/situations from my own imagination. (Each chapter focuses on a different episode - Series 2 ficlets will be added soon)
1. Episode 1 - Competition

[[From Episode 1: _Big Wide World_]]

May just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, would she?

She took his 20p as though she'd been part of the gang for as long as he had.

He fought for Archie to change the shitty music that was giving him a migraine and making his belief in good music falter, but May - no, _Rae,_ as in Rachel, not Raymond - got to her feet and did as she pleased anyway.

That was the first conclusion he made of this mysterious _Rae_: she was stubborn as fuck.

Slightly pissed off, yet secretly curious (but only a bit), Finn sipped his beer as Rae used _his_ 20p to change the song.

_'Sabotage' _blasted through the pub, and earned an all round applause. He hadn't seen it coming and he didn't know how to feel about it, because it wasn't a bad choice at all.

_It's not bad, for mainstream._

Finn sipped harder at his beer, and may have swallowed his pride along with the beverage.

His second conclusion: Rae's music taste wasn't half bad. He'd accept the competition. Try to salvage his place as the one-who-knows-the-most-about-music in the group.


	2. Episode 2 - There's No Hate

[[From episode 2: _Touched_]]

_"Look, I know you don't like me, and that's fine, right. But I just, I think he's a dick for what he did. I didn't want you adding it to the very long list of things you hate about me." _

That was the moment Rae realised that she didn't hate Finn Nelson.

She could barely believe that those words came from his grumpy mouth, and she was pretty sure her face expressed the disbelief accurately, though unintentionally.

Yet they sounded so right. They actually sounded genuine, as though he actually meant them, as though he was concerned that she hated so many things about him, as though he didn't want to be blamed for any of this... as though he was pissed off at Archie almost as much as she was.

He was about to leave, but she stopped him, because this was too significant a moment to let it fly past and be forgotten. This was an opportunity for her, for them both, to patch up the confusing, yet obvious, tension that had been between them since day one.

"Finn." She paused, got his attention, almost smiled. "The list isn't that long."

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, because ever since she'd met the gang, Rae had felt strongly disliked by Finn. As though, to him, she wasn't part of the gang really. And maybe that was okay. Maybe it was because she was new. But actually confronting the issue made her feel better, as though things could get better, things were going to look up.

After all, Rae liked her music, Finn liked his music. Why couldn't they be friends?

_"If I were you, I'd find him, and I'd stick a fucking boot right up his arse."_

That was the moment Rae realised she could get to like Finn Neslon.


	3. Episode 3 - Punches And Apologies

[[From episode 3: _Ladies And Gentlemen_]]

The bell on the door caught his attention, and he lifted his head. He was sure that Rae had just left; was sure he'd caught a glimpse of her jacket, her dark hair.

Finn had been waiting at the table in the chippy, scribbling songs down on the list for the tape. He was waiting for Rae, though he'd never admit it, least of all to her. At least the list made for a perfectly good excuse for him remaining behind when the other guys had left. But after Rae's outburst and escape to the toilets, he figured it would be best to hang around, to see if she was okay when she came back. The thought of her returning to a completely empty table just didn't seem fair, though she was probably glad to be out of their company.

He gathered his things now that she'd left, seeing no point in hanging around when he could just write the list in the comfort of his own bedroom, listening to his music, and headed out of the shop.

The clear sound of taunting reached him as he was about to turn in the opposite direction, and his stomach flipped. Yeah, he'd noticed the mark on Rae's skirt when she'd stormed off back in the shop. He wondered whether she'd noticed it too.

Following the shouts and laughter, he approached the scene he'd predicted in his mind, but hoped he was wrong about. Rae on one side, the twats on the other.

How dare those nobheads call Rae out on _that? _They were complete pricks who obviously failed to understand that accidents like that happened. It wasn't Rae's fault. It didn't make her a bad person. It didn't make her _dirty. _Hearing their words made a rage bubble up inside him, like he'd never felt before.

And before he knew it, he was running up to the group, and his arm was thrown out in a punch, his fist meeting a jaw with a fierce click.

Everything was going black, closing in on her. A reminder that she'd left the hospital too early. She couldn't cope. She couldn't stand to be humiliated again. This was all wrong. This shouldn't be happening. She should never have left. She wanted the ground to suck her in and take her anywhere but here. She never wanted to return.

_"It's alright taking the piss out of a girl, isn't it? Well, why don't you try taking the piss outta me?"_

A familiar voice brought her back to the present, and when she was finally back in the unwanted reality of this moment, she saw Finn holding the twat up against the wall, yelling out threats that sounded too true to dispute.

There was blood, and punches and shoves, and a lot of yelling from Finn. And then there were hurried apologies. Not genuine 'sorrys', just ones summoned out of fear. But somehow, that was good enough. Somehow, that was even better.

"You alright?"

She could only nod, though she barely registered Finn's words. He walked away before she could say anything else, before she could thank him or even ask why he did that for her. But Finn looked satisfied as he turned on his heel and left. It was written all over his face. It looked as though it felt good to scare those bastards, to hit that face hard and make them run away.

Rae watched as Finn disappeared from her sight. He had come from nowhere, and now he was leaving just as suddenly. Why had he done that for her?

She had the feeling that no one would have done that for her. Not even the other lads in the gang. They would have told them to piss off, tried to comfort her... but Finn took it one step further, made them bleed, and she was thankful for it, because she would have punched them too if she hadn't allowed the stress of the moment to take over her completely.

Before Finn dealt with the situation, there seemed like no way out of it. She was ready to faint because her heart was beating hard and she couldn't cope with being humiliated like that. She was ready to run away, leave the town, never show her face again. Or even worse, ready to break down and cry, right there, in the street, in front of those dicks.

Finn had unknowingly saved her. Or did he know?

This changed everything.


	4. Episode 4 - Numb

[[From episode 4:_ Don't Ever Tell Anybody Anything_]]

Finn clicked the phone back in its holder and sat motionless on the bed for what seemed like an eternity.

How are you supposed to react to the death of a loved one?

Hearing it via telephone somehow made it worse. Made him seem far away. He should have been there, by his grandmother's side. He should have been there to say a proper goodbye, to tell her that he loves her, because she's been a big part of his life. Instead, he was here, at a party; it wasn't even a _good_ party. He'd been having a shit time since he had arrived.

He thought he'd worked things out with Rae. He'd apologised, she appeared to accept his pathetic apology (for some reason. Fuck, he was a prick), and they'd even hugged for the first time. Everything seemed just fine. And this newly sprung friendship had helped with the idea of losing his grandmother. Maybe he wouldn't be as alone as he thought. Lose one thing, gain another. That kind of thing.

But then things quickly went downhill and he couldn't work out why Rae was avoiding him. She didn't accept any of his hugs, she didn't talk to him, and she even pretended not to hear him speaking when they were sat together. She was blatantly ignoring him. Had he done something wrong?

Rae didn't want to be his friend, and she had told him so herself.

And now, he had lost his grandmother.

This was one fucking shit night.

Finn sat on the bed, his head in his hands, as he desperately fought to keep the tears back that were threatening to spill and release every emotion he had pent up inside himself for so long. The door was closed, but the faint trails of music seeped through any slight opening they could find and surrounded him. He felt trapped and alone.

"Finn."

His head snapped up at the familiar voice, though the tone was much softer than it had been with him all night. Rae was standing there, watching him, looking as though she came to find him for a reason. But at that point, Finn couldn't help himself. He tried to hold her gaze but looked away, unable to win the fight with his emotions this time, and that's when it must have clicked for Rae, because she rushed over, murmuring his name and muttering heartfelt apologies (for his loss, or for the way she'd treated him?). Then he was in her arms, pulled close to her, and his arms found her waist and he was clinging onto her because there was nothing else he could do and he needed this, whatever this was.

Rae told him that it was alright. Everything would be alright.

When they were lying together, after he'd had time to think, he knew that everything would be alright. Rae didn't pressure him into speaking about his grandmother, and that was good, because he had no words. But lying by her side and knowing that they were friends offered a temporary relief for him. He didn't want to think about anything else, and as he closed his eyes, he didn't think at all.


	5. Episode 5 - Wasted

[[From episode 5:_ It's A Wonderful Rae, Part 1_]]

Rae trusted Finn enough to go to him when she was in trouble. She arrived at his doorstep with a few things, and he welcomed her in, because it was no big deal. It was perfectly fine, actually. That's what friends are for.

At the rave, it was the perfect time to make a move. Not particularly _romantic, _but convenient. They were having a good time. There was music, alcohol, dancing. They'd arrived there together on his scooter, her hands clasped tightly against his chest, the sun shining down on them - and he knew he was going to have a good time.

He'd dance with her, maybe. Hold her? ...Kiss her? It was too loud to talk, and shouting his feelings over the music was definitely far from romantic. Perhaps he'd save that for the next day, or that night, since she was stopping at his place until she worked things out with her mum. He'd tell her everything. He would let her know that whatever move he makes now, at the rave, was not a drunken act, or a spontaneous act because he was caught up in the moment. No bullshit like that. The truth. That he had wanted to kiss her for quite a while now. Had tried to get her alone a couple of times. Had been _honoured_ when she turned up at _his _house, wanting _his _help.

Rae had to be around somewhere. The flashing lights made it difficult to locate her at first. There were so many people, so many flashing lights. And there she was, with Archie. Finn had to kiss her, he had to, this was his chance. Pull her away from Archie, dance with her, touch her, lean in and...

He watched Rae and Archie kiss until they parted, but didn't hang around for much longer, because he didn't want to be spotted, he didn't want Rae to see the look on his face.

He backed away from the scene, retreated through the crowds he'd pushed past just moments earlier.

There were so many people, so many flashing lights. The music was too loud.

_"I need to kiss him, and I need to tell him, because he needs to know."_

Fucking Chloe.

Rae's head was spinning from the music, the drink, the pill. Watching Chloe and Finn kiss made her stomach turn and flip inside her body, and she felt ready to throw up. She had been so close to telling him, to finally making a move, and Chloe got there first.

Fucking typical. Chloe got everything.

Just like the afternoon she'd turned up at Finn's and Chloe was lounging on his bed, pretending to know and appreciate music the way they did.

No, no, no. This was all wrong. It wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Tonight was supposed to be fun, perfect.

She couldn't watch them kiss. She turned, though she saw them kissing in her mind, and ran and ran, through crowds of people and flashing lights. Her name was being called. Was it Archie? Was it Chop? Maybe Finn had noticed her and was chasing her?

Rae didn't know, and she didn't care. In that moment, she wanted out. She needed air.

She ran, felt the breeze of the air outside.

Felt the prickling of grass beneath her body as she hit the ground and closed her eyes, the image of Chloe holding onto Finn vivid in her brain and behind her closed lids.


	6. Episode 6 - Brave

[[From episode 6:_ It's A Wonderful Rae, Part 2_]]

It clicked. It all made sense now.

_"I'm actually mad."_

Everything made sense to Finn. He knew there was more to Rae, something she was hiding. The time she'd spent in the hospital was now made clear to everybody, and certain habits of Rae's that Finn had noticed just _made so much sense. _

And it was okay. Of course it was okay. It was refreshing to hear someone speak the truth so calmly, so openly. It was refreshing to see Rae come alive as she confessed to the weight that had been holding her down for so long. And she looked better for it; she seemed pleased with herself, relieved.

Rae was the bravest person Finn had ever known, because he could never be so honest or unafraid.

"_...any man that I've ever come in contact with, in any way, really... but, well, some more than others."_

Their gazes met and everything clicked again. They hadn't exchanged words since the morning after the rave, and even then it had been tense. Finn had caught Rae kissing Archie, just when he was about to approach her himself. Then things had happened with Chloe, and those things shouldn't have happened. It had all been in the heat of the moment. But he couldn't get out of it, and he felt bad, and Chloe was great, and Rae didn't seem as interested as he was... so they were together, but for a brief time, because he just couldn't lead her on like that. They were friends now, and that was it.

Now, a chance to fix things with Rae seemed hopeful.

After her speech, he left, needed air. Told Archie he was getting food.

He walked for a while and tried to think things through. Was Rae interested? Did she feel the same way? It seemed likely now, or perhaps he was just being overly positive. Either way, it only felt right to tell her soon. But what should he say? He was never good with words. Never had been. Maybe he would be one day.

All the thinking built up his appetite, and since he told Archie he was going to the chippy, it seemed like the perfect place to go. There, he could do more thinking _and_ feed his appetite. But as he approached the shop, he spotted a very familiar figure standing by the window, looking lost, defeated.

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

It was all he could say when Rae was looking at him.

Why didn't you tell me about the hospital? Why didn't you tell me how you felt about me?

"_I wanna tell you something."_

Finn was no good with words, no good with speaking. So, with his heart beating hard against his chest, and in a moment of bravery, he stepped forward, pulled Rae to him, and began to trace what he wanted to say on the smooth of her back.

The closeness felt right, and the words he wrote even more so.

He was afraid, but he let it go in that one moment. Just as Rae had done through her speech in front of all of those people. Finn had done something, not quite as brave, but brave nonetheless. He admitted his feelings.

I - L - O - V - E - Y - O - U

_"So, what now?"_


End file.
